Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize