he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
