meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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