Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
