I'm gonna have a badass scar
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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