That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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