it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
