So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
its liver damage thursday
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
