I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
