rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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