Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
