i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
