Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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