Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am naked and annoyed.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
