im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
