Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
