Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
