My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
