the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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