alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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