exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
