Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
