Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
