Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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