Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
