I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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