yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
