These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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