Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
