So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
