he told me I talked like a deaf person
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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