When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
