I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I want to fling myself into the sun
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize