cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
PANTIES FOUND
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
