Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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