Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I have post one night stand depression
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