can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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