Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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