He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
