just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
