he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
