i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
