i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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