I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
