meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
