Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
