I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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