i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
