i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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