fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
