How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
