Already got asked if we're dating
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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