tell your sister to shave her snatch
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
