Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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