am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
