so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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