Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Maybe he injected his testicle?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
