i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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