It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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