I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
