i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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