I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
